Check Baby, Check Baby, 1, 2, 3, 4...

Back when I worked on a television show, we developed a storyline about a character who had trouble finding a man. For hours, the writers sat at the writers’ table discussing the reality of finding true love. We discussed many of the things an average person looks for when trying to find a significant other. We even had an element on the show in which the character composed a list of what she would look for in her ideal man.

So, today my blog comes with an exercise. Before you continue, think of your own list. If in the past you have written one, what were the things you put on it? If you’ve never done this exercise, it’s worth considering. Take a moment to ponder what is most important to you. Perhaps your list might start out something like:

1. Attractive
2. Employed (makes lots of money)
3. Drives nice car
4. Owns home
5. Independent
6. No baggage
7. Smart (Good education)
8.

How would your list continue? If you had to list thirty or fifty things, what would the remaining points be? The interesting thing about executing such a list is that it will give you as much information (if not more) about yourself as it could possibly give you about a significant other. Whenever I have had discussions of this type with friends, it is interesting to hear what things people find important. More often than not, we tend to look for the things that society tells us are positive. Points #1 through #4 on the above list are all things that society says are positive. When those points are added together, they equal #5, “independence.”

But I ask you, do any of the above factors add up to positive character? If you can check off each of the points above, does that mean you have a good man or woman standing before you? Think about this. It’s taken me years to realize that society’s checklist is one of little substance. For several years, I worked with people who had checks by all of the things that society says are important. They had corner offices with degrees from some of the best schools. They drove high-end luxury cars and had addresses in the ritziest of zip codes, but at the end of the day, most of them were not nice people. They were self centered with incredibly strong senses of entitlement and behaved as if their subordinates were lucky to be able to “serve them.” It didn’t take me long to realize that I couldn’t find any reasons to associate with these people besides the fact that we worked together. Still, I realized that on paper, these people looked like true winners. Or at least that’s what society tells us. These are concrete factors to consider when it comes to adding people to our lives.

Years ago, when I was still in high school, I was dropping a friend off and took a few minutes to walk her inside. When we entered, her grandmother mentioned that a kid had called several times for her. It was someone my friend was not at all interested in. She even commented something to the effect of “Why won’t he just leave me alone?” I guess her grandmother liked the guy because she defended him, saying he was a nice kid. My friend’s response was, “I don’t like him” to which her grandmother responded, “That’s the problem with you young folk, you’re always looking for someone to love, but what you need is someone who’ll love you.”

My friend and I simply laughed before my friend retorted, “Oh, grandma, you’re just old.” It would be more than a decade before I realized the profundity of her grandmother’s statement. We spend so much energy looking for the points of interest listed above. Perhaps there would be more success in relationships, if we took an interest in things like:

1. Nice
2. Loyal
3. Likes me
4. Caring
5. Respectful
6. Strong moral character
7. Honest
8. Funny
9. Positive energy (optimist)
10. Helpful

And so on... And this is not to say that there is no validity to the first list. The greatest list will be the one that flushes out a true person, and of course there are many aspects to each of us. I recommend that everyone work on his or her list. With a more concrete idea of what it is you are trying to attract, you will have a clearer understanding of how to do that. The list will also help to clarify what our priorities are. Once you have listed fifty points of interest, how would you rank them?

Completing your list will accomplish a window into the lives of potential significant others. When you know what to look for, you will be able to evaluate how good a person truly is to you. But beware. Completing your list also acts as a mirror into what kind of person you are. Do your points of interest demonstrate depth of character or do they simply outline superficiality?

2012 – Memoirs of the Maya

Over the last few weeks, I have noticed a lot of talk about the end of the Mayan calendar. December 21, 2012 is the supposed end date. And Roland Emmerich, the director of “Stargate” and “Independence Day” even has a disaster movie entitled "2012" coming out about the end of the calendar. Why is this date associated with disaster? Because many doom and gloomers have decided that the calendar finishes because 2012 is the year the world ends. Of course this is untrue, but I decided to do a little research nonetheless, to find out just what the Mayan calendar is about. So, here’s the scoop:

Because our minds have been trained differently, it may be a little tricky to visualize, but the Mayans weren’t counting days when they developed their calendar. It is for this reason that 2012 is hardly the end of days because the Mayans weren’t counting days when they came up with their system.

How the Mayans developed their methodology is still a mystery, but a fascinating one nonetheless. Without going into too much detail, it’s important to say that their calendar is actually three calendars in one, but each of the three parts works in connection with the other elements. First, they have two ways of counting the weeks. One way involves twenty symbols – things like “star”, “monkey”, “earth”, or “storm,” etc. Each of the twenty symbols represents a particular kind of energy. It could be creative energy, stabilizing or harmonizing energy. Or it could be the opposite.

The other way the Mayans counted weeks is by using the numbers 1 through 13. But it is still important to emphasize that they were not counting days. Even the numbers represent different energies. And again, these two systems are meant to work together. To describe a particular day, the Mayans might say, for example, today is 4-earth, which means that day is associated with the energy of the number 4 and of the symbol “earth.”

PLEASE NOTE: Today is in fact 4-caban or 4-earth!

But the day’s energy is not the only thing of importance. It is also important to know under what cycle the day falls. 4-earth might be a day of positive energy in one cycle and not so positive in the next. And the fact of the matter is energy is what the Mayans were tracking. Somehow, they figured there were cycles to our existence, not only as human beings, but as beings in the fabric of existence. We are part of an entire system that involves everything that we can perceive. The skies, the Earth, the air, the water, the birds, everything. Everything is everything and there is a cycle to that everything. Thinking of the cycles of human life may make it easier to visualize. From the moment a child is conceived, the cycles begin. From fetus to embryo, from infancy to the “terrible two’s (a cycle mothers know well). From childhood to adolescence to young adulthood and so on. We have clearly delineated the stages that we as humans go through during our lives. The Mayan calendar accomplishes the same task, only it is not just for human life, it is for existence as a whole. Many important decisions were based on the energies of their calendar. Doing something risky on a day of negative energy is hardly advised. In considering the stages of human life, what stage is existence in now? Millions of years ago, I’m guessing it was in its infancy. Without the benefit of the Maya here to explain, I can only guess that we are in a stage of adolescence right now.

The third part of the Mayan calendar is what they called the “Long Count.” The Long Count charted out cycles of 5,125 years each. If I am not mistaken, each of these cycles is determined by a galactic alignment, i.e., our sun lines up dead center in the Milky Way. 2012 is the end of one of those cycles. It is by no means the final one, but I am sure they felt no need to continue counting since they would never live to see this period anyway.

Ironically, the current cycle, which is now ending was predicted to be an age of materialism (“The age of the Great Forgetting”). An age in which we, as a race, would forget our spiritual connection to the rest of existence, and would focus on the material side of ourselves. Although, the Maya didn’t count beyond 2012, they did predict that 2012 would bring about an awakening to this spiritual amnesia. As the new 5,125-year cycle is ushered in, we will begin to realize the errors of materialism while at the same time strengthening our connection to each other and to what is truly important. And remember, the December 21, 2012 day is not a hard date. It’s not that we will wake up the next day and everything will be different. The change will be like childbirth, gradual, painful and thankfully liberating.

To track the Mayan calendar, please visit:

http://www.mayanmajix.com/TZOLKIN/DT/DT.html

NYC - My Forgotten Muse

Last week I returned to Manhattan after nearly a decade of absence. I flew into La Guardia airport, which strangely seemed quite empty. As I exited the airport, I was somewhat discouraged by the weather. Although it was mid-day, the skies were dark with rain clouds and the temperature was in the low sixties. I hoped this weather wouldn’t last. I had packed shorts and t-shirts in anticipation of heat and humidity. Luckily, my friend, Alessandro had called to warn me of the dip in temperature, so I did have one jacket on hand. As I waited outside for the shuttle bus, I unpacked my jacket to bundle up a bit more.

There was a giddiness in me as I wondered about my upcoming week. Would New York treat me well or would I be anxious to flee from the concrete jungle? I harkened back to the summer I had interned for l’Oreal’s skincare division. I had lived on NYU’s campus and then commuted to 5th Avenue in midtown. That year, summer had stretched deep into September, but it seemed fall had come early this year.

My friend Alessandro is originally from Milan, Italy, but his job relocated him to New York about a year ago. It was my first time visiting him since his move. Because he was still at work when I arrived, I had the doorman let me in. I rested a bit while waiting for him to come home. This also afforded me the opportunity to catch up with his wife who filled me in on their lives in New York. Later that night, after Alessandro had rested, we grabbed a cab to a sushi joint in the Village. After dinner, we strolled into the meatpacking district. Alessandro had mentioned this area to me, but it wasn’t at all developed when I was last in New York. I was completely unfamiliar with it. As we crossed into the meatpacking zone, I was taken aback by the energy and vitality. Even though it was chilly, the streets were full of people.

In the middle of the block, a small crowd had gathered. As we approached, we saw two practically naked women. They were having their bodies decorated with body paints. They were both topless with nearly invisible bikini bottoms. Needless to say, this drew a crowd. As we walked down this street, the Gansevoort Hotel was on my left and Pastis Restaurant was on my right. In fact, there were several high end fashion boutiques, clubs and restaurants on this block.

Many parts of New York have a European feel to them simply because of the architecture. This street was no exception. It was actually a cobblestone street with a mélange of modern and classical architecture. Now I knew why Alessandro had mentioned this area to me. It was bustling and alive. As we walked around the corner, the High Line came into view. The High Line is an old metro line that used to run above ground. Although it is not yet finished, a huge portion of this old track has been converted into a park! Yes, you read that right. Sections of what used to be train tracks and platforms have been landscaped and outfitted with tables and benches. It is the greening of Manhattan, and with all of the concrete there, a little greening isn’t a bad thing.

As we walked through the meatpacking district, a part of me that is normally dormant rose to the surface. My memories of how fantastic New York is began to return. I realized it is a city that offers practically whatever it is you are looking for. Arts and entertainment, good restaurants, clubs, bars, parks and whatever else might tickle your fancy. Part of me felt revitalized, and a desire to stay awake twenty-four hours crept into my mind. Luckily I exercised good judgment and didn’t run myself into the ground as I had done on my last trip to the Big Apple. But still the “city that never sleeps” had energized me. Each day, I walked miles just absorbing all that is there and all that has changed. I am pleased to report the changes that I witnessed have all been for the better. If only we could all be like New York, dynamic, evolving, vibrant. And better!

MULTIPLE CHOICE: a.) victim b.) intentional

During the 80’s while I was still in high school, I remember finding it strange that the perpetrators of crimes managed to be seen as victims. This is back in the days of talk shows like “Jenny Jones”, “Sally Jesse Raphael” and “Montel Williams.” Each day, these shows featured rapists and child molesters who complained that they had become perpetrators because they themselves had been victimized in the past. After describing their atrocities, “expert” psychologists and PhD’s were paraded on stage to corroborate that oftentimes offenders had indeed been victims. Even though I was still a kid, I remembered being uncomfortable with this dynamic. It seemed the media had forgiven the offenders for their choices. All of a sudden, criminals had been transformed into victims. When this is the case, where does accountability lie? No one wants to blame the victim, even when they are the offender.

In February of this year, I was introduced to a group whose way of thinking was very different from anyone I knew. In many ways, their views on life and the world were extremely out of the box. A couple of them proposed an idea that I had never heard before, but have contemplated ever since. The idea is the following:

“What if we have chosen everything that has ever happened in our lives?”

When I first heard this statement, my initial reaction was “No, of course we don’t choose everything.” Certainly, we wouldn’t choose bad things to happen in our lives. Or would we? The more I contemplated this concept, the more it made sense to me. The things we want and the things we need are rarely in alignment, and oftentimes unpleasant things lead to the greatest epiphanies in life. What if, on some subconscious level, we truly knew that we needed to experience both negativity and positivity to truly learn?

This is a scary concept in many ways, especially when you take it to its limit. The deeper idea behind it insinuates that we have chosen even the atrocities in our lives. Whether we have been robbed, raped or molested, is it all because we have chosen it? Do we choose to be rich or poor, sick or healthy? I realize this is an extreme concept. The thing I love most about “we choose everything” is that it accomplishes the opposite of that 80’s victim phenomenon. Instead of a world full of victims, we are all transformed into powerful, responsible beings who are accountable for our choices, even when they seem like bad ones.

Personally, the more I embrace this idea, the less victimized I feel by whatever is happening in my life. Two years ago, I received a rare cancer diagnosis and for many weeks, I felt like such a victim. I questioned how and why this had happened, and felt as if the world had been unfair. But soon thereafter I realized why not me? The more I looked at my life, the more the diagnosis made sense. It was a puzzle piece that fit very nicely into the mosaic of my life. Before the diagnosis, many of my pursuits had been ill placed. It took the diagnosis for me to begin appropriately making changes. Today, there is no doubt I am a much happier person than I ever could have been on my previous path.

Now, we fast-forward twenty plus years from the days of the “talk show,” and the media is airing shows like “Judge Judy” and “Judge Mathis.” I admit a few of these shows are guilty pleasures of mine and there is a certain satisfaction I take from knowing accountability is now being promoted. Finally, there is a reversal from the shows of the 80’s that featured bad behavior and then excused it. Done are the days of receiving sympathy in exchange for playing victim. As such, we should all contemplate the events and circumstances of our lives and ask ourselves “How has this transformed me into a stronger and better person?” When the answer to that question becomes clear, we will also come to understand whether or not we chose it.

I HAVE WRITTEN A BOOK! TO LEARN MORE OR TO READ AN EXCERPT
of my sci-fi/fantasy/adventure novel, “The Unveiling: 1.0,” please visit TheUnveilingSeries.com.

Time is Like The Clock in My Heart

Well, here we are, September, 2009. It seems every year time is accelerating just a little faster than the previous year. Personally, I can’t believe how quickly ‘09 is slipping away. I remember in the nineties when I was still in business school, there seemed to be a strange phenomenon going on with me. It was the first semester of my first year. I was sitting in the library thumping my fingernails while studying for an exam. Thumping my nails is a nervous habit I’m not particularly fond of, which is why I keep them cropped low. As I was studying, I felt aggravated that my nails had once again reached that length. I was certain I had clipped them just a few days earlier, which brought up one of two questions. Either my nails were growing faster, which would explain the constant thumping, or it meant many more days had passed and I had simply lost track of time. Perhaps it only seemed my nails were growing faster.

From all accounts, the first year business students were to be barraged with work and exams during that first semester. It wasn’t unreasonable to assume that I had simply lost track of the days. Strangely, it was the growth of my fingernails that prompted me to seriously contemplate the passage of time. Should time be perceived as fluid in a static way or as fluctuating and changing? This dialog existed in my head for all of about five minutes and then I was off to study for my next subject. Over a decade would pass before I revisited the concept of time and its passage.

Time, as we know it, is largely artificial. A few thousand years ago, the Mayans developed a calendar upon which our modern calendars are based, but even more significant was the invention of the clock! There is much debate among historians as to who invented the first timepiece. For me, the bigger question is whose decision was it to calibrate it? How did we come up with a 60-second minute, a 60-minute hour, and a 24-hour day? These were choices arbitrarily decided upon by a man, and are very much out of synch with time as it is seen in nature.

The concept of natural time is something I had never considered as recently as two years ago. I had always accepted time for what I had been told it was: 60-seconds; 60-minutes and 24 hours. In reality we know this isn’t an accurate timetable. All around us, there are clues about natural time and how it flows. Sunrise and sunset are simple examples, but even these are fluid and changing. In the summertime, days are longer. In winter, they are shorter. High and low tides, as well as full moons are also nature’s way of telling us what time it is, but for centuries we have chosen not to listen. Instead, we watch our clocks becoming slaves to them. For us, time has become this concept, which seems external to us. It is this thing we cannot grab a hold of, or that we race around to beat. Too many times I have heard “It’s time for me to have a baby,” or “It’s time for me to get married,” or “It’s time for me to buy property.” Time is this artificial clock we have imposed upon ourselves telling us how to live our lives. Shouldn’t getting married and having babies be based upon two loving and nurturing people finding each other and being ready to usher children into adulthood? Wouldn’t the world be a better place if this were the case? Or is it better to base such factors on being twenty-five or twenty-seven?

I remember how foreign and strange it seemed when I first read of indigenous cultures who didn’t keep track of time. I didn’t understand how these ancient tribes didn’t know how old they were. Now I do understand. These are the last of a few people who have managed to continue living in nature while existing in natural time. They didn’t know their ages just as trees don’t contemplate how old they are. Even within a woman’s body, there is a natural calendar, which can be interpreted by her menstrual cycle.

Although we may not realize it, many of today’s environmental issues are due in large party to our choice to remove ourselves from natural time. Instead of seeing ourselves as part of a system, we see nature as this thing happening around us, and that is independent of our actions. It is this ignorance that allows us to pollute the air and contaminate the water, and feel that there will be no ramifications for it.

Luckily for us, it is at the end of their calendar (in 2012) that those lofty Mayans predicted an end to our misunderstanding. According to their predictions, we will once again come to comprehend our roles in nature. And it appears we are right on time. If we look around us, there does appear to be an increase in awareness of how we fit in the system. In the near future, we will acknowledge that daylight savings time is not the needed adjustment to our timetable. We will come to recognize that the needed adjustments are within our hearts. When we fall in tune with everything around us, then and only then will time be on our side.