Mental Blockages

On occasion, there are things we want, but can’t get because the universe denies them to us. Some people call this karma or [bad] luck. However, in most situations, if we are unable to get something we want, it is due to a mental block that we have. Probably there is something we need to change, remove, or add to our lives, but we are not doing so either because we are incapable or unaware. Years ago, one of my best friends from high school graduated from a four-year college. This was a huge accomplishment, especially given that no one in her family had ever gone to college before.

After she received her diploma, her family, who was of very modest means, scraped together the money to purchase her a new car. All of her friends, including me, were thrilled about this. For years, we had played chauffeur to her and her family. Now, not only would she be liberated, but she would also be able to take us places for a change. The condition of her new gift was that she would begin assuming the car payments as soon as she got a job and was on her feet. After roughly nine months of waiting for this to happen, her family (and I) began to realize that she had no intention of finding a job. Eventually, nine months spread to eighteen and before anyone knew it, two years had gone by and she was still unemployed.

Shortly after her family stopped making the car payments, my friend began hiding her car. The repo man was hot on her tail. During those years, I didn’t trouble her about finding a job. It never occurred to me that she wouldn’t think it necessary to get one. After a while, I grew accustomed to her availability. If I needed to speak to someone about something, I could call her at home and ninety percent of the time, I would catch her. In the back of my mind, I questioned why her family continued supporting her. She always had enough money to go see a movie or to go have a drink. At first I didn’t know where the money came from, but then I began to realize she would do odd jobs for her family and that gave her the change she needed to do a few social things. Although her family was displeased, they were also enabling.

I think it was after five years that I became truly perplexed. Although this was one of my nearest, and dearest friends, I had no idea why she wasn’t actively seeking employment. When I tried to talk to her about it, she told me, “I just need someone to call me and tell me I got the job.” I knew this wasn’t a realistic expectation, but all I could say was “okay.”

I think it was about seven years after she graduated from college that I made a call to speak to her. She wasn’t at home this day, but her older sister, who I was friendly with, answered the phone. She told me my friend was out and asked how I was doing. After a brief conversation, she asked me why I thought her sister wouldn’t get a job. I explained that I had no idea and never got a clear explanation from her when we talked about it. She said she was only asking because she knew how close we were and she thought maybe I had some insight. Unfortunately, I illuminated nothing on the subject. She then explained that she was sure her sister had some kind of mental block. Neither of us knew what that was, but we agreed that it was the only explanation for a smart and capable girl to have let nearly a decade pass without finding something productive to do.

Fast forwarding to present day, I have a couple of friends who are now in their forties, and neither have ever had romantic relationships. I found this statistic amazing. How is it possible that after four plus decades, there was never any person suitable toward a partnership? I explained to my two friends that subconsciously they didn’t want relationships. It was the only explanation that made sense. It was certainly similar to my childhood friend’s job situation. They were experiencing some kind of a mental block. I knew this to be true because years before I had suffered the same mental block. There was a period of time where I constantly complained that I couldn’t meet a quality person. I blamed the universe for not sending me someone to love. But loving someone is hard work, that back then, quite honestly, I wasn’t prepared to do. I see that now.

For anyone reading this who has a goal or desire they have not achieved, think long and hard about your efforts toward achieving that goal. Is there a blockage preventing you from going to the next step? If we are to actualize ourselves in this world, we must remove these blockages, but the first step is identifying and acknowledging that they are there.

Just for a simple update, my high school friend finally met a man who thankfully understood that she had to be separated from the enablers in her family. About ten years after receiving her college degree, he talked her into moving out of the state she grew up in. As soon as she escaped, she found a job and began working. Thankfully, that first job put her on a career path and many years later she is still working and making a living. I urge everyone to be honest and reflective about the things that are not working in their lives. This honesty is the only way to assess and move forward. When we can look at our strengths and weaknesses, then and only then, can we truly learn. Take it into consideration, for this is a reality I see as clearly as it is.