Do You Love What You Feel?

Several years ago, one of my older cousins warned me about a family trait. She said I should be careful because most everyone in the family [on my mother’s side] was very sensitive. Truthfully, I didn’t understand why this was an issue, so I respectfully asked her to elaborate. She clarified that because we were sensitive, we were more susceptible to physical manifestations being tied to our emotional state. In other words, when we get upset, we get sick. During this conversation, I immediately harkened back to the first time I saw “Dangerous Liaisons” with John Malkovich and Michelle Pfeiffer. In the movie, John Malkovich’s character persuaded Michelle Pfeiffer to fall in love with him, but here’s the catch. If you saw the movie you will recall, he did this on a bet. Once he was successful in making her fall in love, he jilted her after which she fell gravely ill. At the time, I didn’t understand the story point. I didn’t understand how such an event could bring someone so close to death’s door. Well, today I understand it is through extreme sensitivity.

For a brief time, my cousin’s warning instilled a sense of fear in me. Just a few years before, one of our aunts had suffered an emotional breakdown and landed herself in the hospital. She never came out. I wholeheartedly believe that she suffered a similar circumstance to Michelle Pfeiffer’s character in Dangerous Liaisons. An emotional disturbance fully pushed her over the edge and she was unable to bounce back. The more I thought about it, I began to agree with my cousin. I do come from a long line of sensitive people. And truthfully, there are just as many sensitive folk on my father’s side of the family tree. I, in fact, had a double whammy of the sensitive gene.

Over several days, I reflected on my cousin’s words and then I had an epiphany. Sensitivity is only a weakness when you don’t understand or know how to use it. It is only a weakness when you choose to view the world as a victim. In “Dangerous Liaisons,” Michelle Pfeiffer’s character viewed herself as a victim. She had fallen in love only to be rejected. But there are others ways to use a sensitive nature. The canary in the mineshaft is more sensitive than the miner. The delicate bird only becomes a victim because he is caged. Were it not for the cage, he would fly out leaving the less sensitive miners to fend for themselves.

The cage we live in is society telling us we are weak if we are sensitive. We are told we should develop “thick skin” because it can be a cruel world. But this thinking is flawed. What should be developed is a way to get rid of the cruelty. Developing “thick skins” is miseducation that only perpetuates an insensitive world.

Over the last few years, I have learned to develop my sensitivity. In fact, I now see it as one of my biggest strengths, and on several occasions it has provided me with what one might call uncanny abilities. Ones I hesitate to talk about for fear you might think I’m a little crazy. When I allow myself to remain open to my feelings, all kinds of information are conveyed to me that others fail to see. When I realize how to use this information, it serves me well. I try to listen to the cues and then make appropriate decisions based upon them. It is only when I choose to ignore or suppress my sensitivity that I fall victim to the physical manifestations that my cousin warned me about.

My best advice to all is to free yourselves from the cage. When the oxygen in the mineshaft is no longer sufficient, listen to your sensitivity and fly, fly away!